Dr. Hal’s Corner: How the Internet Started, according to the Gospel of Dr. Hal

Dr. Hal

Please do not Google or check this with Snopes.  They will lie to you.  Trust me!

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy.   And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg.  Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?”

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said,

“How, dear?” 

And Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS).”

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums.  And the drums rang out and were an immediate success.  Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew  It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures – Hebrew to the People (HTTP).

And the young men did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung.  They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS  And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates’ drum heads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.” And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known.  He said, “We need a name that reflects what we are.”

And Dot replied, “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.”  “YAHOO,” said Abraham. And because it was Dot’s idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham’s cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot’s drums to locate things around the countryside.

 It soon became known as God’s Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE). 

That is how it all began. And that’s the truth.

 I would not make up this stuff.

Dr. Hal’s Corner

An old physician, Doctor Gordon Geezer, became very bored in retirement and decided to re-open a medical clinic.

He put a sign up outside that said: “Dr. Geezer’s clinic. Get your treatment for $500 – if not cured, get back $1,000.”

Doctor Digger Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic.

Dr. Young: “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?”

Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”

Dr. Young: ‘Aaagh! — This is gasoline!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations!

You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

Dr. Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”

Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from  box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Dr. Young: “Oh, no you don’t — that is gasoline!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”

Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak — I can hardly see anything!”

Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so, “Here’s your $1000 back” (giving him a $10 bill).

Dr. Young: “But this is only $10!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”

*Moral of story* — Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an “old Geezer”

*Remember:*

Don’t make old people mad. We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to tick us off.

ENJOY YOUR DAY!!!

P.S. Written in large print for old Geezers.

Dr. Hal’s Corner

French Country Restaurant …This is a 90 second video from a small country restaurant in France, which keeps its customers entertained while they are waiting for the main course.

The French restaurant “Le Petit Chef (Little Chef)” came up with an original way to entertain guests while waiting for their order by using an overhead projector on the ceiling. 

The animation is on the table and your plate.There is a small chef who appears on your plate.  Watch what he does!

After you click the website below, wait until the item comes on your screen, then click the arrow to start the video.

Bon Appétit… https://www.youtube.com/embed/yBJEP4lsRFY

Classification Talk: Phill Briscoe

Rotarians meet weekly and weekly meetings allow members to get to know each other personally and develop a high level of Esprit de corps. This comradery builds not only builds a strong bond but also encourages members to not only participate but explore numerous avenues to explore “Service Above Self”.

Phill BriscoeOn October 6th, Phill Briscoe came forth with the touch of autobiography that we term a classification talk. (Traditionally Rotary classifies us as to occupation. Maybe there are other ways).   Phill originated in Great Bend, Kansas. Its name would appear to come from what one sees on a map, to wit, its location at the apex of a major bend in the Arkansas (pronounced ar kan’ zass) River.

  • Aesthetically minded, his school chose a gorilla as a mascot. Phill did his best for the Gorillas in track. The teams did quite well.
  • Kansas is not entirely flat; there is an elevation named Mushroom Rock.
  • His family, ever-supportive, was active in diverse community activities.
  • Phill moved to the northwest in 1972 and became a lecturer in ethnic studies at Central Washington State College.
  • Further career progression:

o   1976–Upward Bound instructor at Evergreen State College.

o   1980–Allstate Insurance finance; agent (20 years)

o   2000–Microsoft certified systems engineer, then Microsoft small business specialist.

o   Established Ebony Knight Consulting/Briscoe Network Solutions

  • Military–Republic of Viet Nam, a significant period in his life’s direction.
  • Tai-Chi, an important part of his life. He went to China as an honoree in the discipline.

Presently Phill is retired and spends time with friends. Friends, Rotary, Tai-Chi, and race relations currently fill his calendar. A closing memorable photo of Phill on a Chinese litter after an injury piqued some interest. Some yuan changed hands at that juncture.

Conclusion: Phill filled the bill, but we’ll never have our fill of Phill.

Matt George the Mussel-man

 

Mussel Adhesion

 

 

Matt George, the avid mussel-man
Is doing more than most men can,
Upon the margin of the sea
To earn a surefire PhD.
The principle he has in view
Is how the mussel forms its glue.
It binds with such tenacity,
It may have use in surgery.
In low pH and low Oh-two,
The process may slow down,’tis true–
Especially when by degrees,
These factors fall on future seas.
And since the mussel forms fine food,
We think starfishes more than rude:
“Tis shellfish of them, far from right,
To so indulge their appetite.
But mussels more than merely mate–
They wildly proliferate.
The net(?) result: they thus abound
To breed enough to go around.
Upon them, thus, the world shall dine
As other food fish fast decline.  [Poem by Dr. Hal]

In Summary: We must hustle the bustle to harvest the mussel; The world stands prepared, the mussel to guzzle.

Matt_MusselsHanging by a thread

 

Humor-More from Dr. Hal

Dr Hal
Dr Hal

  • A manufacturer said to a storekeeper, “Thank you, Mr. Schwartz, for your patronage.
  • I wish I had twenty customers like you.”
    “Gee, it’s good to hear you talk like that, but I’m kind of surprised,” admitted Schwartz.
    “You know that I protest every bill and never pay on time.”
    The manufacturer said, “I’d still like twenty customers like you.
    The problem is, I have two hundred.”

 

The high school kid loved fast cars, and was thrilled to land a summer job with the local Alfa Romeo service center.
“Gee, Mr. Vespucci,” he gushed, grabbing a wrench,
“I can’t wait to learn the ins and outs of fixing up these babies.”
So he was startled when Mr. Vespucci told him to put down his tools and listen up.
“The first thing you gotta learn how to do,” he instructed the kid,
“is to open the hood, stand back, and shake your head very, very sadly.”

Humor from Dr. Hal

  • Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes:

“A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife; one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity.

Now, what does each get?”

After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Morris for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Morris answered,

“A lawyer.”

  • An expectant mother was being rushed to the hospital, but didn’t quite make it.She gave birth to her baby on the hospital lawn.Later, the father received a bill, listing “Delivery room fee: $500.”He wrote to the hospital and reminded them that the baby was born on the front lawn.A week passed, and a corrected bill arrived:”Greens Fee: $200.”

    Dr Hal
    Dr Hal