#1. A preacher was exhorting about heaven and hell and related matters. “Everyone who wants to go to heaven, raise your hands!” he said. The entire congregation but one man raised its hands. The preacher pointed at the man, saying, “You over there, don’t you want to go to heaven?”

“Sure, eventually,” said the fellow, “but ah tho’t you wuz gettin’ up a load to go now.”

#2. The brass at an army post was concerned that GI life insurance sales were way down. The recruits just were not buying. A young captain, newly on the post, volunteered his services. “Let me have a go at it,” said he. “Sure, go ahead and try it,” was the unanimous word. “We doubt if you can do any better.”

Within a month, sales improved. By the second month, they approached 100%. “How did you do it?” they asked.

He said as follows: “I told them, ‘Consider you get killed in battle and are uninsured. The government will grant your family $7,000 or so. But if you buy the full insurance, they will get the full $100,000.” “Then I let this sink in and, after a few moments, concluded with: ‘Now who do you think they’ll put into the front lines?’ “